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Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water

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  • I would like to give praise to my friend Aaron’s insightful review of Limpbizkit’s brand, spanking new piece of filth and Fred Durst has dubbed “Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water. Indeed, after listening to every song on this album, did I agree that a good, old fashioned kick to the love rocket is more enjoyable than this waste of good plastic, hell at least you feel something for god’s sake! Back in 1998, I happened to catch Fred and the band thrashing it out on the Fashionably Loud portion of MTV’s Spring Break. Well, that did it. The next day, everyone was buzzing about this hard new band. In May, of 1999. I purchased Three Dollar Bill Y’all, nothing special, but pretty good nonetheless. And there you have it, I was a full-fledged Limpbizkit fan, as was everyone else. And then, in July of 1999, Significant Other came out. I rushed to Target and bought it, only to discover… The Bizkit had been broken. What the hell was this!? Fred had even stopped screaming! And started devoting his time to pathetic attempts at rapping and crooning! Screw that I said, I didn’t even take the time to sell the cd, I gave it to my cousin for free, and I don’t doubt for a minute that she threw it out the window upon returning home. After Significant Other hit the charts, Limp was awarded with praise, so much praise in fact, that later on, he would named the Vice President of Interscope! Hmmm. So let me get this straight… if I write a bunch of idiotic lyrics and set it to equally bad music, I could become one of the head honcho of a major record label without any previous experience? WHERE DO I SIGN UP?!!! With that, Fred became immersed in a major ego trip, a trip that to this day, he is still on. Insulting bands that he feels to be inferior but aren’t, like Creed, Taproot, and Nine Inch Nails, the latter I have been a fan of for a long time and threatening bands that don’t sign with him. Screw Fred! And screw this piece of crap! You might as well hide a mike in a middle school bathroom if you want lyricism Fred! Marvel at his maturity as his spits out insults and the F-Word at the same time in HOT DOG! OOH AHH! Fred basically repeats the same thing in every song. The whole album can be summed up with these words, “Dont f**k with me, I am the s**t, I didn’t get enough love as a kid please give me some attention, I couldn’t get chicks until I became famous and when I do get chicks I treat them like garbage, I dumped Carmen Electra I AM SMART! WOW!, I sure do wish I was black”, and “Nasal voices sell!” There, I just saved you $15.00. You can thank me later dog. Buy something good like the Deftones or Tool, how about some Cake or some AC/DC? Anything but this, now if you’ll excuse me, I have to search for Fred, so I can make him eat this cd.

    Posted on December 19, 2009