I like Tsar because they make me wanna smile. I can’t smile cuz my teeth are all cracked and fuzzy.I like Tsar because their rock makes me tap my feet. The bottoms of my feet are all cracked and fuzzy, too – crank is a rough and tumble mistress!I like Tsar cuz Danny-boy Kern is from Chico and it’s about time a GREAT band (besides Deathstar, of course) emerged from the musical wasteland that is Chico, California.I like Tsar becuz they rhyme with gee-tar. And that’s just damned neat.I like Tsar because they sing “la-la-la-la-la-la-la-LA” and bands don’t do that much anymore.I like Tsar because they have more noodles in their songs than I have (uncracked) teeth. I like Tsar cuz when I listen to ‘The Girl Who Wouldn’t Die’ it reminds me of playing the Journey game on my Atari when I was wee.I like Tsar just because I like Tsar so there you ninnypants.